For some reason I love lists like this and I used to do this so much as a kid. For some background, I'm a child of the late 80s-90s. Raised in Miami but born to New Yorkers. And I love movies. So it is through this lens and my sports-viewing lifetime that my biases are shaped. So I will try to do my best.
Stage One: Loathe
30. Chicago Cubs- I could care less about the "Lovable Losers" crap. What those fans did to Bartman, a FAN, is detestable. I root for two things each baseball season: Marlins all the way... and for the Cubs to lose forever. My rationale for being a Chicago Bulls fan and not wanting to associate with these people is that all Bulls fans are White Sox fans.
Stage Two: Distaste
29. Philadelphia Phillies- Another set of fans I can't stand are Philadelphia fans, in ANY sport. That, and them being a division rival, would put them last, but, y'know... the Cubs. Extra points docked for the Philly Phanatic. What the heck is that thing supposed to be anyway????
28. Chicago White Sox- The Chicago Bulls (my favorite basketball team) and the Pale Hose share an owner. His name is Jerry Reinsdorf. I don't like him because instead of funneling his efforts towards his super-profitable basketball franchise that lives off the Jordan Dynasty, he treats baseball like religion (his words) and thus I'm convinced he uses his cash cow basketball team to fund his crappy baseball team. Shame, too, because who didn't love the Big Hurt and those uniforms back in the day.
27. Oakland A's- Sure, the Moneyball thing was cute. However, because of Jose Canseco, pretty much every latin kid in my neighborhood when I was growing up and before the Marlins came around, they rooted for the A's. It was annoying.
26. Los Angeles Dodgers- I have a good friend. He's a Dodgers fan. We like to go back and forth. Their marketing slogan is Think Blue. I find it ridiculous. I make fun of my friend for it. Also: Yasiel Puig. I really don't like this snitch and don't care that he shares the same nationality as all previous generations of my family. He had a bad game in Marlins Park this one time. I like to think it's because I gave him hell from the 5th row by the visitor's dugout. Many other Cubans were seated around me. They joined in on my heckling. It was fun.
Stage Three: Ambivalence
25. Washington Nationals- Division rival.
24. Houston Astros- Who puts a hill in centerfield????
23. Detroit Tigers- Coping mechanism for the Marlins trading away Miggy.
22. Texas Rangers- linked to George W. Bush.
21. San Diego Padres- Who cares.
20. Tampa Bay Rays- Geographical rival. Plus, they dropped "Devil" from their name. I thought it was cool.
19. Cincinnati Reds- They stink.
18. Arizona Diamondbacks- D-Backs? More like D-Bags.
17. Pittsburgh Pirates- They wore those atrocious uniforms in the 70's.
16. Toronto Blue Jays- I guess someone has to be at the top of the bottom half of these rankings.
15. Baltimore Orioles- Cal Ripken, Jr. goes a long way.
14. San Francisco Giants- The Marlins have beaten them twice in the playoffs. They're alright by me.
13. Milwaukee Brewers- I went to a Brewers-Marlins game at Miller Park a couple years ago. Y'know what's cool? They have Bob Uecker's radio broadcast playing all throughout the concession area. How cool is it to be at a real baseball game with Uecker calling the play-by-play!
12. Colorado Rockies- Marlins expansion brethren. Plus, that 90s squad with Galarraga, Castilla, Bichette, and Larry Walker was dope.
11. St. Louis Cardinals- Respect their consistency, especially residing in a smaller media market in a non-salary cap sport.
10. Atlanta Braves- I know... division rival. Still, they were also a model of consistent winning throughout my life. Plus, that 90s staff of Maddux, Smoltz, and Glavine was amazing. Chipper Jones gets a shoutout as well.
9. New York Yankees- Yes, they are the evil empire. Still, they are also everything that makes NYC the city that it is. They are baseball. They are America as much as anything else. Plus, their pinstripe uniforms are beautiful.
8. Boston Red Sox- In one of sport's timeless rivalries I'll side with the Sawx. I like the way they build their teams better and their fans seem more blue collar than the Yanks. My supervisor is a Sawx fan, so he might influence this opinion.
7. New York Mets- I used to really despise the Mets, because they were a division rival and because my dad LOVES them and so I loved antagonizing him. I've mellowed on this over the years, especially now that my dad is older, so I sympathize with him. I can still name pretty much the entire 1986 roster, they have cool uniforms, a legit homerun monument, and great incorporation of the game ball into their mascot.
6. Seattle Mariners- I generally have a soft spot for all things Seattle. Love that part of the country. Seahawks are an awesome franchise. Sounders are a model soccer team in the US. It still makes me sad they moved the Supersonics to OKC. And then, what kid who was a fan of baseball in the 90s didn't love Ken Griffey, Jr., the Big Unit Randy Johnson, and the rest. And I loved the teal.
5. Kansas City Royals- This is strictly a personal thing. My initials are KC. Also, my wife and I's first initials are KC. So I own a Royals hat with the KC on the front.
Stage Four: Entertainment (Movie Division)
4. Los Angeles Angels- Out of the baseball movies i grew up watching, Angels in the Outfield was definitely the cheesiest. Still, I liked the movie, featuring Christopher Lloyd and a young Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Plus, Jim Edmonds might be the best centerfielder I've ever seen.
3. Minnesota Twins- Little Big League is one of my favorite sports movies. Has some of the best sport action scenes you'll see in a film, features real big leaguers, lots of baseball trivia. So I'm down with the Twinkies.
2. Cleveland Indians- I generally have a strong dislike of all things Cleveland. I've been to the city and don't like it. Don't care for the Browns, and can't stand the Cavs mostly because of Lebron. So what catapults the Tribe to #2 on my list here? Two words: Major League. Major League 1 & 2 are just about my favorite sports movies ever. I think they're hilarious and highly quotable. I also don't get why everyone gets so offended by the Chief Wahoo on the cap. It's a great logo from the days of Yesteryear. I feel like the Washington (professional football team) have a much more offensive team name that is an actual racial slur. However, if people insist on the Indians changing their name, I would propose changing it to the Cleveland Tribe. Keep the Native American theme, keep the same branding, and it sounds cool. Also, the 90s teams of Albert Belle, Jim Thome, Manny Ramirez, Omar Vizquel.... they really had it going on back in the day.
Stage Five: Unconditional Love
1. Miami Marlins- Not only is it my hometown, but it is also a franchise I've been able to witness since Day One, and it came at a stage in my life when I was a lot more baseball-crazy than I am these days. Two World Series championships, countless memories watching the Fish with my abuelo while listening to the spanish radio broadcast, and I always loved the former colors. While a could care less for the owner, and being that I watch other sports a bit more closely, I still love the Marlins forever. Being that I'm not good at cheering for "second-favorites" in sports, the Marlins do truly stand far above the rest in my heart.