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Marlins Crap

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Flask_medium

One week into the New Year, it's a pretty safe bet that your resolution to drink less has fallen by the wayside. And that's not necessarily a bad thing, considering FishStripes has uncovered the perfect item on which to spend those gift cards you raked in over the holidays: A Florida Marlins Stainless Steel Hip Flask, brought to you by amazon.com

At 6 ounces and just 1.25 mm thick, this flask is the ideal companion for any Marlins game*. It's discreet enough to sneak past even the most thorough of the beefy security women at the stadium gate, yet still holds enough Jack to keep you happy through another Roy Halladay perfect game, or blur your vision enough to make the Mermaids appear to be gyrating in unison (OK, OK, you'd probably need a refill or two for that). 

For the low price of $71.25 (seriously, Amazon, is this made of stainless steel, or platinum?), you will be prepared for nearly any Marlins occasion, whether celebrating Mike Stanton's latest home run, surviving the horror referred to as Super Saturday, dealing with three nights in a row of the Phillies starting rotation, or numbing the pain of seeing Dan Uggla in a Braves uniform. And then numbing it some more when he goes deep against the Fish in every at-bat.

Wish I'd had one of these on Vuvuzela Night.

 

*FishStripes in no way endorses excessive drinking, or the smuggling of alcohol into Sun Life Stadium, and strongly encourages readers to deal with their Marlins-related angst in a non-destructive manner, such as using a photograph of David Samson as a dart board. If you do consume alcohol at a game, be sure to designate a sober driver for your journey home.