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Marlins Crap

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It’s fitting that my very first post to FishStripes is "Marlins Crap," seeing as this is just the sort of statistic-laden, in-depth baseball coverage you can expect to see from me on a regular basis. (I’m excited, too.)

Marlins Luggage Spotter

Just in time for holiday shopping, TAG EXPRESS has come up with the perfect stocking stuffer for traveling Fish fans who have ever experienced the annoyance of trying to spot a piece of luggage on a crowded conveyor in baggage claim... or of finding their bag on the ground in a secluded corner of the airport about an hour after the conveyor empties because some nitwit removed it, thinking it was theirs, and then neglected to put it back once they rooted through its contents and realized their mistake. (Not that this has ever happened to me personally. We’re just speaking hypothetically here.) 

For just $18.99 + shipping, all your traveling woes can be solved with the rugged, durable, MLB-approved Marlins Luggage Spotter. This set of two handle grips is cushioned, fits almost any suitcase handle or shoulder strap, and—most importantly—represents your favorite MLB team. Considering a recent study which found that approximately 99.87% of all luggage is exactly the same color, shape and size, this new product is a godsend for Fish fans who regularly struggle to identify checked baggage. Of course, there is the small problem of the Marlins Luggage Spotters being almost entirely black. You may need to be standing less than a centimeter away from your luggage to actually be able to pick out the Fish logo, but I guess RICO Industries has decided to agree with Jeff Loria’s insane idea that "teal is a color for the 90’s."

Considering the present economy, if you prefer to be a frugal fan, you can spend about 50 cents on a foot of teal ribbon from Wal Mart and tie it to the handle of your suitcase. It’s cheap, convenient, and rebels nicely against Loria's decision to eliminate any trace of history from our team’s logo and uniform. Less crappy Marlins Crap, if you will.

Those familiar with my baseball coverage know that I'm all about the numbers, unfortunately my charts and graphs which properly explain ribbon’s VORLS (value over replacement luggage spotter) wouldn’t upload.