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Dontrelle Willis "Facts"

Dontrelle Willis is invincible. If you don't believe me, check out this picture:

That's the car that Willis was driving one day early in 2003. In case you can't tell, that was a Ford Mustang. Dontrelle was driving when the car rolled over on the freeway.

He walked away from the accident unharmed.

Later that year he made his major league debut. Shortly after that, he won the Rookie of the Year award and played a large role in the Marlins winning the World Series.

Thus, the evidence clearly indicates that Dontrelle Willis, whether you call him the D-Train or the A-Train, is invincible.

Granted, that example of Mr. Willis is true. But what I'm hoping to do here today is to have some fun by creating some "facts" about Willis' greatness, which may or may not be true. Inspired both by facts about Chuck Norris (which, by the way, Norris approves of) and a thread over at White Sox Insider about Kenny Williams (the White Sox GM, for those of you who missed the World Series), I thought it would be fun to make up a list of "facts" about our own Dontrelle Willis. If you want, you can use another Marlin, but Willis (along with Cabrera) is about all that we've got right now.

In case you're not familiar with this, here are some of my favorites about Kenny Williams:

  • This year the World Series Rings will be made out of the actual World Series as Kenny Williams has learned how to bend and shape space and time.
  • Kenny Williams does not work for the Chicago White Sox. The Chicago White Sox work for Kenny Williams.
  • Kenny Williams doesn't eat churros, he swallows them whole.
  • When Kenny Williams jumps into the ocean, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Williams.
  • Kenny Williams played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
  • Kenny Williams was never born like a mortal man. Mortal men are babies first. Kenny Williams simply willed himself into existence.
  • Kenny Williams does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Kenny Williams goes killing.
  • On the 7th day, God rested...Kenny Williams however, signed Garland to a new deal.

And here are a few about Chuck Norris:

  • Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
  • The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
  • If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down.

I'll add some about Dontrelle:

  • When the umpire says, "Play ball", Dontrelle Willis says, "Say please."
  • There are two kinds of major league pitchers: those that suck and Dontrelle Willis.
  • Dontrelle Willis never uses doors. The thunderous might of his fists can reduce any wall to rubble, yet he strikes with such precision that only a Dontrelle Willis-sized hole is smashed through the wall. Anything else would be excessive.
Feel free to add your own in the comments.