Miami Marlins vs. Arizona Diamondbacks: Game 43 Thread and Ichthyomancy

USA TODAY Sports

The Miami Marlins send Kevin Slowey to the mound to open a three-game series against the Arizona Diamondbacks.

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Lineup:

1. Juan Pierre, LF
2. Adeiny Hechavarria, SS
3. Derek Dietrich, 2B
4. Marcell Ozuna, RF
5. Justin Ruggiano, CF
6. Greg Dobbs, 1B
7. Placido Polanco, 3B
8. Rob Brantly, C
9. Kevin Slowey, P

SB Nation is still in the intensive care unit, recovering from a gunshot wound to the chest. Likely a drug bust gone bad. This means our precious widgets aren't functioning, leaving Fish Stripes in the hinterlands as far as charts and graphs go.

Yes, I had to manually type out the lineup. Sometimes I wonder if this blogging gig is worth all the effort.

Michael was last seen dressed in a Tom Glavine jersey, performing the "Tomahawk Chop." I don't know if he can be rehabilitated. Yet, we must solider on without him.

There is a baseball game tonight. The Marlins have their master of smoke and mirrors, Kevin Slowey, while the Diamondbacks have a pitcher, Trevor Cahill.

Cahill is just 25 years old, and has posted a 2.70 ERA in eight starts this year. If we convert that figure to Marlins-adjusted ERA, then it falls to 0.56. Half a run seems like a reasonable goal for the Marlins offense tonight.

To help cheer you all up, I wrote a haiku:

spring unicorn comes
please end my suffering
rattlesnake bites hurt

Bold Prediction: Diamondbacks def. Marlins 5-2

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