Rodriguez: "Just LOOK at these whiskers! Only the Gillette Fusion ProGlide can handle this unsightly stubble!" Barrett: "There's one right over there."
The Marlins have lost 16 of their last 17. They are presently riding their second eight-game losing streak in the month of June. It is actually physically painful to watch them flail about, night after night. So imagine our surprise here at FishStripes when this week's Fan Confidence Poll numbers were released, and revealed a 14% spike in overall confidence in the Fish.
Um... is everyone OK? I mean, we are aware that denial is one of the five stages of grief, but we're pretty sure you should have moved past that stage to depression, if not acceptance (that the Fish will never win another game, ever).
At first, we thought perhaps befuddled fans had started viewing run deficits as a positive, sort of like golf, where the object is to have as low a score as possible. We wondered if our VEB friends had all participated in the poll, and since they only watch the team once a month, were a lot more gleeful about the current state of Marlins baseball than the everyday fan.
Then we wised up and realized that you're all wasted, which may be one of the very few ways one can continue to watch the Marlins struggle daily to win their second game of the month, and not be tempted to jump off a very tall bridge.*
If the chubby, toothless chick next to you at the bar starts to look like Elle Macpherson after 10 or so shots, it would only stand to reason that under the influence of alcohol, the Marlins appear poised to win it all.
Hey, whatever gets you through nine innings.**
**Don't drink and drive.