Chum Bucket

During last season’s ichthyomancy, I took performance-enhancing drugs. I was new to the website and felt immense pressure to succeed. As I found myself in heated competition with Ladyfish, Spud, GameFish and Bumppo, among others, I fell deeper and deeper into a cycle of substance usage. I tried to justify it by telling myself that they were probably using PEDs to get an edge, too, but I know I was lying to myself.

The PEDs allowed me to make more picks and wth less fatigue. They allowed me to make bigger picks for more points. Whereas before, I would struggle to come up with simple picks like “Marlins get a hit,” by mid-season—after several courses of PEDs—I was able to bulk my picks up considerably (for example, “Marlins get 8 hits, 4 walks, strike out 5 times, leave 6 on base, hit 2 home runs, steal 1 base, commit 1 error, hit 2 sac flies, hit 3 doubles, turn 2 double plays, catch 1 stealing, win by 3, throw a five-hitter, allow 2 XBHs and strike out the side in the 8th,” which gave me approximately 1,420 points.)

I would like to apologize to the website, my competitors, and all the kids out there who considered me a role model in their playground ichthyomancy leagues. I cannot ask for your forgiveness, I can only earn it, and I hope you will give me that chance this season.

To prove that I do not need PEDs and can perform just as well without them, I would like to officially make my first 2009 Ichthyomancy pick: Marlins baseball shoe run kitten glart.

uh oh….

Where is De Asa in all this outfield talk. He was a starter last year until he had an injury in the last preseason game. If we are looking for speed here it is. With Maybin, Ramirez, and De Asa we would have a lot of speed going for us.I haven’t seen anything yet on how fast Sanchez and the Bone are. I would not be surprised to see him come out of spring training smelling like a rose!