So I was complaining to Craig the other day - "I don't know these guys!" - I bitched.
That's me. I can't stop with the bitching.
Now - I know we will get to know our beloved rookies and all their personalities/quirks as the season progresses. I know that as we watch these guys in action and watch the interviews, read quotes, etc., we will get at least a little feel for how they are as people (much as we had done for the old guard)... but I'm an impatient man. I want to have that connection RIGHT NOW!
So I'm going to fake it.
Starting today I am going to fabricate personalities and even backgrounds for some of our new guys, just so we can all have something to relate to.
You can all come along with me on this - or not. I'm going. And you can't stop me.
We'll start with the right side of our infield, since both of them are new to both the team and the organization. Plus they were born only seven months apart! How cool is that? They could have gone to high school together! In fact - I'm going to say they did!
It says they were born in Kentucky and California, respectively, but PHOOEY, I says - Phooey. That's what I says. They were both born and raised in Muncie, Indiana. They played ball together from little league, all the way through high school (everyone knows the School Song, I hope) -
Fight on, hoist the gold and blue
You'll be tattered, torn, and hurtin'
Once the Muncie is done with you.
Since Dan and Mike were the best of friends, they sang that song with glad hearts every day, and happily led their team to victory... until tragedy struck - in the form of a WOMAN!
Unfortunately, they both fell in love with the same Muncie girl (a sweetheart named Stella Mae) and then fell out of friendship with each other and (of course) stopped talking entirely. The bitterness between them got so bad - the school team lost the state championship!
It was horrible.
They haven't spoken since.
So... if you ever see Uggla not quite make that throw to first, or Jacobs muff a throw over from Dan - NOW you know why. It has nothing to do with talent, but... as always - cherchez la femme.
Curses, Stella Mae - curses.
Now of course - does it matter if any of this actually happened? Not really. It's not like we really get to know these guys, anyway. I like my story - I'm sticking with it.